Thursday, 31 July 2014

Why Do Old Men Wear their Pants so High?

Because We All Know a Harry-High-Pants

It might just be me, and correct me if I'm wrong... but an elderly man wearing his pants belted up high above his non-existent waistline, has got to be one of the most endearing sights you will most likely ever see working in the Aged-Care industry.

Or anywhere else for that matter.

Because we see them often, old blokes out and about in the community, bustling about with great purpose, and leaving no room for doubt that the taller the pant - the more important the mission!

Be it a morning stroll to buy the newspaper, or heading off with trolley in tow for a lap of the shops to stock up on Barley Sugar sweets or another big day at the library... it doesn't matter the quest, just as long as the trousers are wrenched up securely and as high as practicable.

Has such nice warm-fuzzy 'grandfather' appeal, don't you think?

And as I arrive at a client’s home and I’m greeted at the door by yet another dear old chap with his shirt tucked firmly into his slacks (or sometimes sensible walk-shorts on warmer days) hoisted almost to chest height... without fail, I can’t help but smile.

Old Men Wearing their Pants HIgh
The old man 'Pants' phenomenon
- there's no denying it, chaps!

Whether it's a brand new client I've just met who sports this adorable high-waisted 'old man' look, or I’m visiting one of my regular Harry-High-Pants's's whom I've worked with for several years.  Either way (and I mean it in an adoring, caring way) – it’s always as cute as hell!

And I marvel how these proud, worldly-wise dads, grandads and great-grandads who, once always so smartly dressed, have become completely nonchalant about their gradual pant-changing situation. And how, over time, there has been a re-positioning occur on their ageing body shape.

But, to heck with what society and the fashion mags consider trouser-height acceptableness!

Clearly, these old boys have reached a stage in their lives where keeping one's appearance 'current' is no longer the priority.  Can you even imagine such freedom?  Instead, the focus is now on more pertinent things such as the managing of health issues, the price of bread 'n' milk, or more essentially… what the weather is doing tomorrow.

“Geez Dollie, how ‘bout this wind… and haven’t we had a lot of rain lately?”

Perhaps it's akin to some sort of rite of passage thing or an old man Badge of Honour, where the more mature gent is finally smug enough in his own skin thank you very much, to wear pants yanked up past his tummy button.  Or beyond, if he fancies!

In other words, they don't give two toots what others think about them or their towering tweeds!

Yes, of course these fashion-snubbing Seniors know it’s not the pants that are the problem.  But they are quick to defend their beloved Old Faithfuls - the pants what they've 'ad since the year dot.

(Although, that might be more to justify not having to buy a new pair...)

“I’ve worn these slacks since that Armstrong lad walked on the moon and never had any bother with them”

“Top quality pants these, not like the cheap foreign rubbish you get in the shops now”

“These trousers lasted me 37 years as a copper on the beat, so why would I go changing them now?”

Clearly, it's not the pants that have changed, so much as the old geezer wearing 'em.

And fair enough when you consider the fashions of the time.  Their time.  Back in the day, the 1940's, 50's and 60's, when these blokes would've been right in their gentlemanly prime.  And the trend then, if they were to be seen as the dapper man about town, was to wear high-waisted pants.

And always with a belt.

Growing up emulating the Fred Astaires, the Cary Grants and other glamour-puss superstars of the era.  All swanning about wearing their tall trousers and looking suave.  So why shouldn't this same tried and true Hollywood recipe continue to work for them now they've reached their Golden Years?

Speaking of movies, my lovely neighbour Barb recently found this adorable old photo of her hubby Robert as a lad - circa 1952-ish she thinks.  Here he is dressed up in a costume that his mother whipped up special.

Couldn't you just DIE?!

Old Men start young with Pants High
Hey, Superman...

It’s hard not to miss the extremely high pair of belted underpants that Superman, I mean Robert, is sporting (gee, the poor kid had no chance).  Plus it explains why Bob still wears his pants as high as an elephant’s eye to this very day.

Always sweet to catch sight of him over the back fence, digging away in the garden with his oversized belted shorts yanked up nice and snug.

On ya, Bob!

Scientifically speaking though, it's a fact that as men age (yes, turn into 'old people')... their waistlines do kind of disappear.  Fat is harder to budge like it was in the more slinky, middle-aged years and torsos subsequently, become portly.

To the point of being... well, barrel-like.

Some older guys take on this challenge quite happily though, and are chuffed to be able to mold their newly created fatty layer into a nice protruding paunch, thereby enabling them to wrench trousers up over the newly formed, but all-natural hitching post.

Alternatively, they may opt instead to ignore this battle of the bulge by tightly clasping their belts in from underneath, thus allowing one's belly to flop leisurely out over the top.

Either way...Win, win?

Also, as we age, we lose muscle mass.
Lord, can it get any worse?

Meaning the once sexy, toned definition that men (eek...and women) aspire to, slowly diminishes. Add to that our lessening bone density, then watch in awe as we then begin shrinking in height, thanks to our bodies basically collapsing into themselves.

Yes, you heard.... COLLAPSING.

Do you have to say it like that though, Dollie?  

Throw in the nicely rounded bottom, that’s served a chap all his years, that literally ups and disappears on him almost overnight.  For goodness sake, it's basically just a complete physiological reversal of the changes that happened during puberty that turned us into adults in the first place!

But wait... THERE'S MORE!

Eventually, after a lifetime of all this standing around looking fabulous and ‘being men’ (and when he’s finally admitted defeat and accepted this life-altering thing called Retirement) an elderly bloke's spine now starts to buckle and bend until his body is baggy and saggy and then lo and behold, before he knows it...his bloody pant bottoms are now dragging on the ground.


So if you're one of these darling old chaps with The Incredible Shrinking Body who's looking to correct the state of his seemingly enlarged trousers in a fashionable yet dignified manner, it seems you have several options:
  • Face facts and get the hemline of your pants taken up by a tailor (or a wife if you still have one)
  • Revive an old trend and use Suspenders to hold up your pants (tightly clenched belts produce such an awful puckered affect)
  • Admit defeat and consider wearing a Moo-Moo instead of pants. Yes, similar to a dress (like Homer Simpson wore when he got too fat to get off the sofa)
  • Give the modern Track-Pant a whirl (built in elastic totally eliminates the belt dilemma)
  • Stop being a tight bastard and splash out on some new bloody pants that fit you!

Or if none of these appeal and you are quite content how you are (and besides you're far too concerned about how much rain is coming, the sorry state of the nation and where the hell did I put that new box of Barley Sugars?) to notice where your waistline might have re-located itself to... then hoist those sails high, my good fellow, and continue on with your reliable old trousers of yester-year.

Go ahead, and to heck with what all these young whipper-snappers think.  Jack your nipple-cinching pantaloons right up to your armpits where they so magnificently belong!

Old men and their High Pants



No comments:

Post a Comment