Thursday, 3 November 2016

Put on the Red Light, Rosanne!

The Comings and Goings at No. 22

"Oh, thank goodness it's only you, Dollie.  Well, what a day I've had!  

Would you believe it?  It's been like a blimmen train station here today.  And heaven knows what the neighbours must be thinking!

First I had a nice man, Derek, from the council come and do my Home Help.  Must've been 9 o'clock when he arrived because he was here quite early.  I usually have Sharon come at 10 o'clock... but I think she's away on holiday?  

So instead Derek came, but he was lovely.

And he did a good job... which I was worried about because it's never the same as when a woman cleans, you know?

Anyway, so while Derek was here, I had my physiotherapy man, Gary arrive.  But he said he'd come back later because he could see Derek with the vacuum cleaner, hoovering away, making a racket.

So Gary left.  

And then just as Gary was going, blimmen heck, my son in law, Tony turns up to check the tap in the bathroom.  Stupid things been dripping it's head off and my hands aren't strong enough to twist it, so I can't turn it off properly.

So I had Tony in the bathroom, Derek working away.... then blow me down, silly old Jim from the Bird Society pops by!  

He likes to go through the minutes of our meetings before he prints the newsletter each month. To be honest, I think he just likes the company but that's ok because he's a nice enough chap and he doesn't stay long.  

He smells like lavendar.... which is funny for a man, don't you think, Dollie?

Then I laughed because just as I was waving that lot off, I had the physio, Gary, come back at the same time!  Talk about bedlam in the driveway... and it wasn't even lunchtime!

Thank goodness Tony was here to sort them out with backing their cars down the drive... and making sure Jim didn't hit the fence. He's got terrible eyesight, Jim. I'm amazed they let him still drive.

So while I had all this going on... I could just FEEL Shirley from across the road's curtains twitching away...  

Oh, she was LOOKING alright!

Then Gladys from next door came outside... pretending to check her letterbox for what must've been the third time she'd been out.  Having a good long sticky-beak she was...eyes nearly popping!

I can see how they'd be wondering though... hee hee... I've never had so many men at my house at the one time.  And all in one hit!  Must've looked most unsavoury.

Felt like I was in one of those windows in that street over in Amsterdam.  You know, in the red light district there where it's all legal.  

Where the ladies all stand round waiting... WITH THEIR BITS OUT!

Even my son in law Tony had a good laugh after they'd all gone:

"Geez Rosie, I'm starting to wonder what you've got going on here... EXACTLY WHAT COLOUR IS THE LIGHT ON YOUR FRONT PORCH AGAIN?"

- Mrs Rosanne Pimms, aged 88
(Jam & Pickling specialist, Budgie breeder.. and recently-suspended member of the local Neighbourhood Watch group)

Elderly people enjoying visitors
"...walk the streets for money, you don't care if it's wrong or if it's right"

Oh, it's all a bit of fun!


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